Getting Married While Pregnant? Make your alternative wedding mama-happy

Let’s face it – as much as the steampunks among you would like to believe it, this isn’t the Victorian age anymore, and many people are living together and having kids before they get married. But what happens if you’re going to be pregnant at your wedding?


Two good friends of mine are getting married soon, in a smallish ceremony with gothic overtones. They have one beautiful daughter, and another child on the way.

This raised the question in my mind. How do you include children in the wedding who haven’t been born yet?

The taboo against been married while pregnant (thereby rubbing in the face of all your well-mannered guests that you DID in fact do the dirty before the vows) still exists in most western society. And while us alternative types think this is all silliness, it might not be silliness to some of the guests you intend on inviting.

If this is the case with your little lump of joy, I might be able to offer a few tips to create a perfect wedding while pregnant.

  • Choose a floaty, comfortable dress that accentuates your belly. Instead of trying to flatten that lump with corsetry and lacing, why not be a fertility goddess, a manifestation of your love for one another. I think your child would love to look back on the wedding photos and see that round tummy and think, “I was there.”
  • Black is slimming – I’d love to see a beautiful soon-to-be mother bride wearing a floor-length, black empire dress. Gorgeous!
  • Take time out for a family portrait. You, your partner, and your children. All your children.
  • If you’re going to be heavily pregnant on your wedding day, you need to arrange the day so you’re not running around, being stressed and on your feet all the time. The wedding day needs to be low stress, low maintenance, and fun but not overwhelming. The last thing you want is to do harm to yourself or the baby.
  • Acquire some ladies- or men-in-waiting, to attend your needs leading up to and on the day of the wedding.
  • All those DIY projects you want to get done? Re-assess the importance of all those tasks on your wedding-to-do list. A wedding is just one day, a party, but planning now for your new baby’s future is more important.
  • If any of your guests voice their disdain for you being pregnant on your wedding day, you need to speak up and tell them that’s not okay. Your child is being brought up in a family of love and understand, and you should not have your wedding day tainted with ill feelings towards your pregnancy. Having a child is a wonderful, beautiful event and should be viewed as such. Threaten to remove naysayers from the guest list, and follow up on your threats if you feel certain people are still being inappropriate and offensive. If you wouldn’t tolerate that talk from strangers, don’t accept it from friends and family. Don’t suffer these bad vibes!
  • Mention your children in your vows. Vow to stay true to them and raise them in a home of love and understanding. Write your vows on paper and preserve them in an album for your children to read when they’re older.
  • Write down your Doctor’s details and have the paper handy with a helpful friend in case something goes wrong on the wedding day.
  • Choose a pregnancy-friendly menu.
  • Add some awesome alternative baby clothes to the wedding registry list (if you made one). I love Metal Kids.
  • And above all, take the time out from wedding planning to enjoy time with your husband before the baby comes, and to marvel over the miracle of life that’s happening inside you.

For more tips on wedding planning for alternative couples, read the Gothic Wedding Planner.